I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
