I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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