we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found puke in my bra..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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