I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
