No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
