i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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