when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
