Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
