Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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