i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize