god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Randomize
