he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I love you. Go after that dick
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
