false alarm. still invincible.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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