He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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