Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
