between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
