why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
