two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
