I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
that may or may not have been my penis.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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