hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
