Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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