just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
