4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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