i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
