the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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