You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Drake has all the answers
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
