Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
