I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
