I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
