This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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