Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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