No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
