i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
How's work?
Spinning.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
