i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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