Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
