sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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