your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
