the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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