I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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