we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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