She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
