so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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