my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
