Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
