I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
