I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
