I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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