i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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