Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize