I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
