i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize