dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
