if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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