Just fell off a train. Bad.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
