my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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