dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
