it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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