I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize