the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
