i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
