I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
