I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He? As in you personified your dick?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize