lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
