Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
