is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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