Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
