You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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