PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize