hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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