I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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