i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
