The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
