i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
