A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
