sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
