Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
