If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
