Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
