What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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