am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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