Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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