i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
