I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
