so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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