i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
