"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
